i would never pay thousands of dollars for a friggen purse unless it could actually disassemble itself and form around my body as a suit of highly advanced weaponry that allowed me to fight aliens and demigods and jaded russians and what have you.
LEAPS OFF OF COUCH FLINGS LAPTOP TO THE GROUND BURSTS OUT OF DOOR INTO STREET PUNCHES THE FIRST CAR THAT COMES TOWARD ME FLIPS IT ONTO THE GROUND PULLS THE DRIVER OUT SCREECHES THEY’RE HOLDING HANDS POLITELY PUTS THE CAR BACK INTO AN UPRIGHT POSITION CLIMBS A LAMPPOST SWINGS FROM THE TOP SCREAMING LAUNCHES OFF INTO THE NIGHT SKY SILHOUETTE IS SEEN ACROSS THE MOON A CRY IS HEARD ACROSS THE WORLD THEYRE HOLDING HANDS
Age 20:Caught a bad cold, girlfriend tried to murder him, then framed him for a murder that he witnessed.
Age 24:Witnessed a second murder, this time of his boss and mentor, got beat up, framed for murder for a second time, was nearly erased by the mob, and was electrocuted with a taser.
Age 25:Witnessed a third murder, had his assistant and friend framed for said murder, was whipped several dozen times, was hit over the head with a fire extinguisher, was attacked twice by both a circus tiger and a circus monkey, got his face pecked by a mockingbird, had to listen to his assistant beg for food after she was kidnapped and starved by an assassin, and was forced to defend somebody who he knew was guilty.
Age 26:Had someone steal his identity, got beat up again, was nearly erased by the mob again, had two cups of coffee thrown in his face, had birdseed chucked at him, was whipped several more times, witnessed a fourth murder, was led to believe his assistant was dead or dying, fell off a bridge and into a river in the middle of winter, causing him to catch pneumonia, was framed for forging evidence, lost his attorney's badge, and (while still being unemployed after losing his badge) was forced to raise an eight year old girl because her father bailed on her.
Age 33:Witnessed a fifth murder, framed for murder for the third time, got beat up for a third time, and was hit with a car which sent him smashing into a lightpost, twisting his ankle.
[03:12] edoro: Babiessss. [03:12] roach: I am tired of ELEGANT MISTRESS OF THE NIGHT Rose. [03:12] roach: I am tired unto death. [03:12] roach: I want a story where Karkat is helping Kanaya move furniture and Rose is just sitting on an armchair watching his butt